How to help your child overcome shyness (part 2 of 2)

This is part 2 of the post, to read part 1 first please click here.

Tip 4:  Don’t speak for your child

This is a hard one for me.  Some days my personality borders on that of a cheerful pit bull which means staying in the background and allowing my child to speak for himself or more importantly allowing my child to choose not to speak means that at times I have to physically bite my tongue.  Yet psychologist after psychologist recommend that you suppress the tendency to speak for your child and allow him or her to respond.  In essence if you are responding for them, they will never do so for themselves.  So the next time a nice grandma in an elevator asks your child how old he is, bite your tongue.  Don’t answer.  Stand there with a big cheesy smile on your face.  Yes, the grandmother is likely to think you got a few screws loose.  But your child is going to figure out eventually that you will no longer be speaking for them.  Which means they must learn to speak for themselves.

Tip 5:  Don’t say he is shy

This is another hard one for me personally.  After all you want to explain why your child is refusing to respond, go into a classroom or interact with a peer.  But to offer this kind of an explanation is a mistake.  If the stranger is a teacher they will already know why your child refuses to interact in a class, no explanation needed.  If the stranger is a child they will instinctively know what’s going on. And if that stranger is just a stranger you don’t owe them an explanation.  By the very statement “She is shy” you are telling your child that this behavior is expected of them. That they in essence have a disability which requires an excuse.  And that they will never learn to interact with strangers.  This is of course not the message you intend to send.  People who view themselves positively accomplish more.  Avoid the temptation to label your child, and bite your tongue.

Tip 6: Involve your child in a team sport

All people fall into two basic categories:  Introverts and extroverts.  Introverts get their energy from interacting with people.  Extroverts recharge their batteries by being alone.  There is a continuum for both personality types, with some people falling very far towards extremely introverted and some are falling very far towards extremely extroverted.  Your basic personality is in large part determined by genetics although nurture also plays a huge part.  Studies show that those children who play team sports from a young age are more likely to be on the less extreme side of the introverted scale.  If you think about it, this makes perfect sense.  After all being on a team means you have 20 build in potential friends.  Being on a team means a sense of camaraderie and a sense of belonging.  From personal experience I suggest not jumping from sport to sport but finding one sport the child enjoys, one team and sticking with that one team as long as possible.  This allows your child to feel as a part of a large, loud group and will help him become less extreme on the extroversion scale. It will also ensure that your child is less likely to end up lonely.

At Brainy Academy we have found that many young children are shy or timid in new environments, especially if they haven’t attended group classes before.  We have developed a unique 6 step process that allows almost every child who comes to us to gently and smoothly transition into the classroom from a primary caretaker (parent, grandparent or nanny).  To learn more about this process please read my next post.

Viktoria Altman
President Brainy Academy